


Catch me the Night Sky

by Heyrrra



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Insomnia, Medication, i dont know this isn't angst it isnt fluff either so something in between?, should have been a one-shot but hey I ran out of time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22275784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heyrrra/pseuds/Heyrrra
Summary: Sleepless nights are the norm for Jennie so she goes back to the quiet provincial town she spent a bit of her childhood in at the recommendation of her doctor.She meets a not-so-familiar, familiar face in town and realizes that maybe sleepless nights aren't that bad at all.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa
Comments: 30
Kudos: 64





	1. Estrella

**Author's Note:**

> So this was supposed to be a one-shot but I ran out of time so maybe a short multi-fic of sorts?
> 
> https://youtu.be/j6Keg3XKKjM
> 
> And
> 
> https://youtu.be/DAE1NbKstqk

The warm breeze that came with summer swept up fallen leaves and covered the bus windows with a layer of dust. Masking the fields with a dull, more subdued hue that made her think of old movies and stirring up a weird sense of nostalgia in her. They’ve gone past open fields now, that were more yellow than green, with cows and goats that seemed to enjoy the warmth of the sun. She had an easy time recalling these parts of the village. Parts that seemed to be encased in a photograph or a movie still. Never changing, only … it was beginning to look more sepia in tone than it did when she was young, the only thing that stood out and made it more real to her now was the blue of the sky. Everything, it seemed, stayed the same as it was _eighteen_ years ago or at least felt like it, only back then she was on a bus going the opposite direction. 

The bus hit a sharp curve, its repainted frame tilting a little too much on the right as it swerved past the dip in the road. The sudden turn catches her off guard as she hits her head on the bus window. She lets out a sigh of frustration as she rubs the sore spot gingerly, looking around to see and questioning why no one seemed to be bothered by the recklessness of the driver. 

_Right, they’ve taken this trip far too many times._

Jennie opened the windows, enough to let in a bit of wind to help with the dry stifling heat inside the bus that made most of her hair stick to the back of her neck from the sweat, making the skin itch. It filled her part of the bus with the familiar scent of the countryside, fresh air that was a scarcity in the city. She felt the old woman sitting next to her shuffle in her seat and cast her a toothy smile, a ‘thank you’ for the welcome air from the opened windows. 

A family of four with their son sound asleep and their daughter looking out the window with wide eyes munching on biscuits; crumbs spilling all over, the old woman beside her, a man in his forties with calloused hands probably from years of manual labor were the only passengers and soon the inside of the bus was heavy with a silence that made her ears ring despite wearing earbuds. She ran out of battery halfway through the road, adding a layer of frustration. 

“It’ll be warmer up.” Her raspy voice reminded Jennie of sandpaper and oddly enough made her take her earbuds off. The old woman nodded along as they took a turn to a dirt-paved road that caused the bus to shake in certain intervals. “I’ve never seen you around town before, are you visiting?” smiling, causing creases to from at the sides of the old woman’s eyes 

Jennie knew she meant nothing wrong with the question, it wasn’t even intrusive if she thinks about it. She rolls the question in her mind, truth be told, she wanted to ask herself the same thing, or _almost_ the same thing. 

_Why hasn’t she visited this place for years?_

Her mother had warned her people would be curious, she’d been gone so long most of them would no longer remember. But that was what appealed to her most, no one really knowing her, just being another somebody who heard that the town was a great summer getaway; for people who needed to rest. 

“Yeah.” she wished she sounded more enthusiastic. 

“Summer vacation?” 

“Yes.” She could see the old woman smile at the corner of her eye, probably trying to think of something to say back. She wasn’t really the best person to make small talk with. 

“I hope you enjoy your stay sweetie, not a lot of young people these days come to visit. The city seems to appeal to their fast paced life, here … we take everything slow.” The veins on the back of her hand looked more alive beneath skin that resembled paper, she gave Jennie’s knee a quick pat and another toothy smile before turning away to close her eyes.

Jennie nods absent-mindedly, and takes the time to think about things. She’s sure she made the right decision, it was what the doctor recommended after all.

* * *

She arrived at a quarter past five, where the sun was setting and painting everything it touched with that washed-off orange that made the fields shine, or at least looked like they did. The old woman wasn’t wrong when she said it could get warm, making her take her jacket off and tying it by her waist as she walked to where she was staying for the majority of her visit. 

Most of the walk consisted of her wiping away a layer of sweat on her forehead and grimacing at the amount of dust that covered her boots. Turning right on a familiar road, she’s met with a heavy sense of nostalgia that was following her the whole day. Seeing the town high school at the distance made her remember their old blue house off the side of the road that was a couple of walks away from it.

Come to think of it, she subconsciously booked a room off a hostel that was close to it. Not that she did it on purpose, it was more from the convenience of the location being in the center of the town and nothing at all to do with wanting to remember her childhood. Although, coming back here for a sabbatical was sure to have that as a bonus. 

Overcome with the sudden resurfacing of old ghosts she’d rather forget, she found herself walking. No. More like retracing her steps towards the direction of her childhood home. A part of her still remembered most of the way and saw, after what felt like the rest of the afternoon, that it was remodeled to become some sort of pharmacy. They changed much of it but Jennie saw most of what it used to be; the tilting window that had the best view of the sunrise, the chipped off door frame that no amount of paint could hide, and upon closer look … the lines she drew along its length that told more about her time growing up than she could ever tell anyone. 

The little bell on the door gave off a faint ring as she entered. Her boots shaking off most of the dust onto the hardwood floor. It felt weird, walking along the same floor that she ran along on when she was a child, towards the counter. This wasn’t part of the plan, but she needed a fresh refill of her sleeping pills anyway -- so why not? 

“How may I help you?” The woman on the counter smiled widely and genuinely. Enough to make Jennie smile back. 

Jennie rummages through her bag and finds the worn out prescription tucked inside her dream journal. She takes a good look at the woman whose smile never faltered, takes a deep breath before handing it over. 

She had long, delicate fingers that held onto the paper with a gentleness that was all too foreign to Jennie. The effects of the pills she took yesterday was beginning to wear off and she was becoming more here, more present, that the little details she’d usually miss were becoming more and more clear. 

She bit her bottom lip in anticipation. Whenever she bought a refill, she was usually asked questions that made her self-conscious. Jennie hated it when she had to point out she had trouble sleeping. It was supposed to be easy, right? Close your eyes and drift off to a 6-8 hour slumber, get dreams if you’re lucky. That was never the case for her. Not after what happened. She could, for the rest of her life, lie in bed and can never find it in her to feel the comforting arms of sleep. Not without the help of her… medication. And she hated that. Hated how that made her stick out than usual. How … she struggled with the easy things.

The woman looked at her with the same soft expression from the moment she came walking through the door. She doesn’t know why, but she seemed different. Something about her was… She smiled again, this time her nose scrunched making her look younger. She took a quick glance at the paper again, and Jennie swore she saw a brief look of familiarity cross her face. It was subtle, subtle enough to be mistaken for something else entirely, but Jennie knew that glint in the eyes. That brief look of “aha!” hidden beneath her light brown eyes. 

“How many of these do you need?” She could hear nothing but curiosity, which took her by surprise. 

“Uhm.. Enough for 2 weeks.” She tried to clear her throat. She shouldn’t get that much, not when she’s trying to get herself off of them, but old habits die hard I guess? 

“I’ll go get these from the back, you could sit there while you wait. I won’t be long though.” She motioned over to an empty plastic sofa off the side by the wall. “Or go through the stalls and maybe find something you like?” 

Jennie shrugged her shoulders in return and went off towards the stall. _She had enough of sitting down._

* * *

“Here.” She emerged from a door that separated the counter from probably the stock room where all the other medicines were stored, holding a brown paper bag. That same easy smile on her face, something about it was… calming. “Is this everything?” 

It was hard to see her eyebrows from the bangs that fell on her forehead, but there was a catch in her question that made Jennie think she had one up in anticipation. 

“These too…” Jennie placed a pack of Esse lights on the counter, fishing her pockets for money.

“I didn’t know you smoked” there wasn’t any judgement in her tone, just the same casual curiosity from before. 

“It keeps me calm.” Jennie surprised herself, she usually kept silent when people pried too much, but she sounded like she didn’t really mind if Jennie did or didn’t smoked. Almost like pointing out something obvious. 

“You’ll find this place to be more calming than a pack of cigarettes.” She grinned. Jennie can’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation. 

“I’m sure…” 

“Enjoy your stay…” Jennie nods to acknowledge this, something inside her stirred. It was from how she said that… Like she meant something more from it. “Are you staying nearby?” She blushed and fumbled for a bit before adding, “I guess you would, that was a pretty stupid question to ask.” 

“I’m staying at Park’s Inn…” That name made no recollection, no matter how hard Jennie tried to remember, so she figured they were new in town too. 

“The one near the school?” 

“Yeah that one.” She’d already extended the conversation from her usual “yes” and “no’s”.

“Well… see you around?” 

Jennie nods again, her voice hitched and it made her agree to things she really shouldn’t.

“I’m Lisa by the way.”

“Jennie.” She says matter-of-factly, so unlike her. 

“It’s… nice meeting you Jennie.” 

This time, it’s Jennie that smiles first, picking up the bag and the packet of cigarettes before walking away. She could feel Lisa’s gaze linger before she heard shuffling and Jennie closing the door behind her. 

_Lisa… why does that name feel...familiar?_

* * *

It’s the perfect place, perfect time, the softest bed, all these were bound to make her sleep, right? 

She feels the weariness from the travel and all that walking creep inside her and make her bones feel heavier than usual. She was perfectly aware of the dip in the mattress and the sound of crickets from the close-by fields, that supposedly comforting silence that filled her room. 

Except...

Except her mind was very much alive. Thoughts that didn't make any sense at all jumped from one point in her mind to another. Fast enough, she couldn’t keep up. She never did, which was part of the problem, she thinks. 

For a while she thought she’d drift off to sleep when her eyes drooped, but the moment she did, the moment her consciousness was beginning to slip away into that elusive darkness, so close she could feel herself relaxing … her whole body would jerk, a little spasm that made her feel more awake now than at any time of the day. 

_She fucking hates this._

Jennie picks her phone and checks the time; 2:45AM. Pretty early for her standards. Another thing from the bedside table catches her attention; the goddamn pills. Calling out to her. 

_No,_ she thinks. Not tonight. She promised her mother she’ll try. This was supposed to be perfect for her. The place, the silence. Somewhere far off from the busy city that always found a way to flare her anxiety. 

She takes the packet of cigarettes that were still unopened beside it instead and pulled a fresh hoodie over herself as she walks out of her room, down the darkened stairs and out into the open. She walks and walks. Not really knowing where to go, but her own two feet knowing exactly where to take her. 

* * *

She found herself sitting on an open expanse where the grass was shorter than the ones in the field and the night sky was visible. She took another deep drag from the cigarette, she’d usually allow the smoke to fill her lungs and keep it there for some time to calm her nerves but this time she didn’t. She dragged and blew, watching the white tendrils cover most of the midnight blue and black in front of her. This wasn’t like the city at all. This was better. There the lights glared far into the night that the only thing she’d see was the moon. Here… here, everything was dull and toned down. The only source of light was the moon itself, and Jennie found herself drawing patterns in the sky from the stars. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” 

Jennie almost choked on the smoke and the intense way her heart jumped, it felt like bursting from her chest. 

“Jesus!”

Her brown hair lost its shine beneath the shadows, but none of those touched her smile. 

“I’m sorry. I come here all the time to look at the night sky. I wasn’t expecting someone else to be here.” She said all too fast Jennie found it hard to catch up. 

“No… it’s, it’s fine. You just scared me.” her voice always had the tendency to fall off at the end. Starting strong then losing off steam at the end. 

She sat on the grass beside Jennie and nodded. Looking off into the distance that made Jennie think she wasn’t entirely here either. 

“One of those nights?” The question made Jennie stop and look at her, cigarette in hand. 

“Yeah… yeah it is.” Jennie answers simply. Not much explanation is needed. 

“You… didn’t take one of the --”

“No.” Jennie swears she hates hearing that, the brief hesitation before the word “pills”. Like it was something that should be kept in the dark.

“I didn’t mean to pry or anything.” 

“I know.” 

She’ll tire eventually and leave Jennie alone. Everyone else does, it wasn’t like she’s someone you’d enjoy talking with anyways and Jennie has learned to use that to her advantage.

“You from here before?”

Jennie crushed the remainder of the cigarette against the dirt and lit another one in its place. She sees Lisa looking at her with a look that she found to be comforting. Shadows from the way her bangs fell made her eyes looked darker, more black. 

“Why’d you say that?” 

Not that it mattered or anything, but Jennie was quite sure she stuck out like a sore thumb among the usual crowd of residents in this small town. Lisa asking the question out of the blue made her curious. 

“Just a hunch, I guess?” 

Jennie takes the question into consideration and thinks about the possible answers she could give without giving so much of the truth away. She wasn’t a big fan of lying, but one white lie wouldn’t hurt, right? She doesn’t know the person at all, she just happened to be the pharmacist she bought the pills fro,; a stranger that had a name and coincidentally was sitting next to her in an open field beneath the starry skies as Jennie smoked and she waited patiently for the answer. 

“I used to, back when I was very young. We moved to the city when I was six.” 

“Oh, do you remember much of your time here or?” 

Jennie can’t quite put her fingers on it but there was an underlying _something_ that pulled at her, an urge to tell her and be open about stuff that… honestly was not for a stranger's ear, but Lisa had something about her that made you trust her in a way and made the talking a little bit bearable and ...well… comforting. 

“No, not much to be honest. I… have this… feeling, sometimes. That weird longing … no it isn’t longing, that’s too much I guess. An awareness? Yeah, yeah. An awareness of where things used to be and what the place looked like, those hazy memories that fade in and out when I see something familiar. Like.. that pharmacy you work at.” Jennie blurted out, much of the cigarette in her hand forgotten as she tried to make sense of what she wanted to tell. “That pharmacy was my old house, I remember a bit about it, a few memories of me running around but I guess that’s just it.” 

“That sounds like chasing a dream.” 

Lisa, Jennie saw, was playing with a blade of grass with a wistful smile. Chuckling at the way they’d bend as she ran her hands softly above them, along the tips before turning her focus towards Jennie. 

“The way you described your thoughts, made me think of someone chasing a dream… You know how when you wake up from a dream you barely remember bits of it? And so you lie there trying to remember as much but couldn’t? Because the more you remember the more you forget?” There was a muted kind of wonder in her eyes that made Jennie look into them further, it wasn’t drowning nor was it suffocating. It was there, and it was innocent and even if she found herself a bit indifferent to the analogy, she found herself smiling. 

“Kind of hard to agree with you when I couldn’t even get more than 2 hours of sleep… let alone dream.”

She finds Lisa funny-looking as her eyes widened at the realization of how callous her comment was, but Jennie thinks it’s fine, doesn’t even find it offensive or anything. Who was her to take away the truth in that analogy just because she couldn’t experience it? 

“It’s fine, I kind of get where the parallels start and end. I just can’t get myself to agree a hundred percent to it.” She added, to try and make the other woman smile again. That little frown on her face was making Jennie a bit anxious. 

“Fair enough.” 

She smiles at the answer, fair enough was good. That was what she was hoping for, really. Something in between they could meet at without crossing any lines and pushing boundaries. 

“Let’s see, your memories are kind of like us watching the stars then? Tonight?” 

Jennie laughed, a loud one that echoed out into the spacious expanse in front of them, where the grass swayed. 

“I’d love to hear more about this one, why?”

“Well… all we can do is stare at them, they’ll forever be as close as we think they are but as far away in reality. Is that how it is with you and your memories of this place?” Her soft voice enveloped Jennie in a warm embrace, enough to drive away her nonsensical thoughts for the night and the warm summer night air.

“Why do you want to put as much meaning behind it anyways? But yeah, kinda… except I know I might be able to recall some of them, so maybe not as far away as those stars… no” 

“I just like knowing the ‘why’s’ behind things. Do you hate it?” 

_Weird and weirder._

“Nah, If anything I’m amused.” 

Lisa plops onto the grass, her hands crossed beneath her head. She winked at Jennie and motioned for her to do the same. 

“What?” Jennie finds the whole night to be like a dream, is this really happening? A part of her knows that yes it is, but a huge part of her is still struggling to understand why she was being so open and herself with someone she just met. 

“They look lovelier from here… try it.” 

She sounded so convincing that Jennie did. Lied on her back and looked up at the infinite black above them. Everything looked limitless, the stars and the sky. Sitting she could see the horizon, a solid horizontal line that cut through the infinity of space. Here, there was nothing else that placed a limit to the expanse of stars and violet clouds that drifted across the black sea above slowly. Here there was nothing holding them back, just black upon black. 

She feels her eyes grow heavy and tired as she closed them. 

_Black upon black upon black. Limitless expanse of nothing in front of her._


	2. Luna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay this has become a sort of therapy for me .... Lol. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy.

* * *

* * *

Jennie jerked awake. Her heart hammering against her chest, the suddenness of everything made her reach out for the first thing she could grasp around her, something tangible, something physical; a reflex she developed from the long stream of sleepless nights. This wasn’t something new to her at all, but it still found a way of surprising her in the worst ways possible. She tried blinking a few times as if the mere action would help her get a firmer grip on herself but it doesn’t help, it never does. She tries to even out the thuds in her chest; wondering why her nails dug into the dirt, and why her palms were wet from the morning dew of the grass around her. 

She sits up way too fast, green and blue mixing with the weird images as the world around her spins. 

“Fuck…”

She tries to even out her breaths, trying to regain control. Slowly and bit by bit, like a video slowly clearing up, de-pixelating, the images beginning to steady around her. With a clearer mind and a more stable heart rate, she remembers a bit of last night. 

_Cigarettes, talks of dreams, stars and...Lisa._

She turns around and sees the space beside her empty. The sky was still dark; a mixture of blue and violet -- most of the black retreating to the sides and the stars still visible. The clock on her phone was blinking 5:39 AM, again and again until it changed over to 5:40 AM. The pack of cigarettes was still there, the butts of the ones she smoked scattered not far from her outstretched legs. The back of her hoodie was damp from the moist and she’s pretty sure it was stained. She sits there, looking at the blades of grass where Lisa laid last night, trying to see if they’d be more helpful and tell her that last night happened and that she wasn’t making things up. Everything seemed to be there, and yet out of the mundanity of the situation, nothing stayed the same. 

She takes another deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

_What the fuck, indeed_

* * *

She spent the entire morning just walking around town and getting a feel of things. The football field with kids and their makeshift ball, a couple of people who for some reason were friendly enough to nod at her and offer a brief “good morning” as they passed by each other. It was the kind of walk that made her feel more energized and less groggy. The kind of walk she needed after waking up more confused.

It was close to noon, the sun high up that the shadows were beginning to disappear and the heat becoming more uncomfortable for a walk. She doesn’t think much about it but she finds herself walking towards the pharmacy, wanting to at least have answers to the questions that bothered her, even if she doesn’t want to admit it. 

The faint ring of the bell and the soft footsteps on the hardwood floor were a welcome intrusion to the bubble of silence she subconsciously created around herself. 

The counter was empty, which wasn’t all that odd. Jennie doesn’t mind, _probably at the back sorting out medicine and stuff,_ she thinks. She takes the time to look around in the meantime and look at things. Really look at them and maybe, she’d go about chasing that so-called elusive dream right after waking up… she chuckles at the thought. Yeah, the proverbial dream all right. 

She walks along the aisles and doesn’t pay much attention to the stalls or the collection of groceries that were available for purchase. It doesn’t matter, what catches her attention was the weird feeling that comes and goes whenever she stands or walks by a particular part of the house. She walks closer to the window with the view; that much she remembers. The window wasn’t all that unique, just a colored one that filtered the harsh light and made it seem cooler back then. She remembers standing at a certain angle, the rays hitting one part of the glass and an explosion of colors across her face. 

“May I help you?” The deep voice felt like ripples against water pulling her from thoughts. 

Jennie hopes the disappointment and confusion on her face weren’t too visible. The girl on the counter was pretty and had one of the loveliest smiles she’d seen in the village. _Why were all the women pretty here?_ But for some reason, she was expecting a different woman to be there. 

“Uhhh, yeah. Uhmm… is, is Lisa around?” meeting her gaze and trying not to sound as confused as she really was. 

“Lisa?”

There was a dip in the silence that followed. _Why does she sound like she doesn’t know who Lisa is?_

“Yeah… she uh… was the one who I bought medicine from, yesterday? Tall… bangs… brown hair?” The look on the woman’s face made her feel weirder by the second. 

The woman gave out a long exasperated sigh, “Did she do something again? I swear that woman always finds a way to get herself into trouble at least once a week.” She was grumbling and Jennie can’t help but breathe out her own sigh of relief. 

“No, I just needed to ask her a couple of things. She’s not in any trouble…” The woman looked up and gave her a scrutinizing look that made her feel like one of those science experiments viewed under a microscope. “Well… at least for now.” Jennie added with a smile, something to break the tension.

The woman chuckled and shook her head, for a minute Jennie thinks she was going to be on the receiving end of a sarcastic retort, considering Lisa seemed to get on this woman’s nerves so much. It was bad to assume but it was harder not to, instead she smiles back at Jennie. 

“Yeah? Well, she will... Later if not sooner, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She chided playfully. “She’s on her off today if you wanna know.” 

Jennie nods, trying to make sense of the information. _That was,_ Jennie admits, _not the best of help._

“I was hoping you could tell me where to find her.”

“She’s probably off frolicking somewhere.” She had a smirk that was pushing at Jennie’s buttons in the worst ways possible. She was trying her best not to be the one to give a sarcastic response. _She just wants to know where the woman is, is that too much to ask?_

“That doesn’t really help me much at all now, does it?” the offhand comment came out more strained than she had hoped, like a taut wire waiting to snap. 

“I was just kidding…” If the comment affected her, the other woman was clearly great at hiding that fact. “She usually spends her time at this cafe, reading a book” She was scribbling something on a piece of paper. “It’s not that far from here, and you could use an early drink yourself.” 

She was grinning as she handed out the paper to her; no trace of resentment. 

“Don’t worry there’s no lunch crowd, I’m not sure why people here aren’t that fond of afternoon coffee or tea, must be the heat?” She was obviously making it easier for Jennie to be at ease, except this is exactly what she can’t seem to work with; small talk. 

“Yeah.” was all she could think of. 

“You’re not much of a talker, are you?” 

Jennie took a quick look at the paper which only had two words written in what might have been the neatest handwriting she’d ever seen: **CORVUS Cafe,** leaving the question sort of unanswered, but in a way answered by her silence too. 

“I figured as much, anyway it’s at the edge of town. Once you get to the town center, take a left by the football field and it’s just straight off from there. You won’t miss it. They have this huge menu sign, upfront.” The woman winked and nodded as Jennie looked up, allowing her to catch most of her nameplate; _Jisoo._

“Uh, thank you Jisoo. I really appreciate it.” Jennie hated it when she was stiff and formal, it didn’t sound like her at all. 

“No problem.”

* * *

The cafe was exactly where Jisoo told her it would be; the edge of town. Far off from everything and anything that you can never miss it even if you wanted to. It was nestled right beside a bookstore that Jennie takes note of, something to visit for the next day, she muses. It was a little old, like most of everything in this little town. Most of the red paint was chipped away, peeling in some corners and overgrown moss covering the remainder of the walls outside. A huge signboard was filled with scribbles of the types of food and drinks being offered for the day. 

Jennie saw her before she could take in the interior of the place, tucked into a book at a far off corner with an untouched cup of tea in front of her. She guessed Lisa stuck out like that despite looking like she belonged, or maybe that was just Jennie and her screwed-up way of taking in things around her when she’s had lesser than her usual three hours of sleep. Either way, she found herself sitting in the empty seat in front of Lisa. 

“Hey?” Lisa looked up in time to see Jennie settle in the chair, a look of tight amusement written all over her face. 

“Hey yourself.” Lisa can’t help but smile back at the sarcastic undertone in Jennie’s response she tried hard to hide. 

“I guess it was wrong of me to invade your personal space last night, huh? Here to do the same?” 

Her light chuckle did things to Jennie’s mood that she smiled back in return, dropping the ‘frustrated’ act all too soon. 

“Flowers for Algernon?” Jennie reads out; not really meaning to, she was hoping to do most of the observation inside her head… not outward, and definitely not in the form of a short slip of the tongue. The cover caught her attention and it was hard not to wonder how a white mouse against an incredibly bluish background with an even more sunny-sounding title could make Lisa frown. 

“Yeah, It’s a wonderful read, a little sad but wonderful nonetheless. It’s one of those books that kinds of sticks to you right after reading and leaves you wondering much about life…” The frown was still there, it wasn’t as etched as it was moments ago but whatever the book was about Jennie knows it bothered Lisa in a certain way she can’t explain. A heaviness crept along, underlining the silence that was beginning to stretch into a full minute, making Jennie itch for a smoke. “But you didn’t come here to talk about a book now did you?... “

The frown was entirely lost and she carefully placed the book, face down on the table. Giving Jennie her full attention. 

“No.” 

“I know.” 

“Why did you --” Jennie starts off, struggling to come up with the question. How does one ask someone they just met why they left her all alone in the field? She breathes in a little too deeply before continuing. “I was just curious… about… you, leaving. I guess that’s the best way to put it without being too much of a prying asshole?” 

Lisa’s frame shook with mirth as she doubled-over. 

“What? What’s funny with my question?” 

“Nothing, I just find you cursing cute and all.” Lisa was dabbing at the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “Say ‘asshole’ again.”

“No.”

Lisa straightened in her seat, the moment she heard the drop in Jennie’s voice.

“Are you mad?”

“Nope.” 

“Uhmm… are you… are you sure about that?” 

Jennie wasn’t really mad if anything she was just a bit tired and not in the mood for playful banter with strangers who leaves her sleeping all alone in a goddamn field. 

“Yep.”

“That was rude of me to laugh, wasn’t it?” Lisa scratched the back of her neck and was avoiding eye contact. “I’m sorry…” 

“Look, it’s fine. Me being cute is already an established fact.” Jennie smiled, making Lisa relax, “but please, going back to more important things; why’d you leave?”

Brief pauses of silence seemed to have become quite their ‘thing’ if such an idea was allowed for a pair of strangers like them. Lisa had a look that Jennie can’t read, looking closely it felt like Jennie could see the thoughts inside her head jumping around and the cogs turning. She reached out for the cup of tea and gave off a stink-face the moment she realized it was no longer warm. 

“I just didn’t want to interrupt your sleep. You looked rather peaceful and I tend to be a very restless sleeper, I didn’t want you waking up from suddenly being elbowed in the face or something.” She finally managed to say. 

Jennie felt rather disappointed with the answer, why? She doesn’t know and was as weirded out by the feeling too. She reached for the pack of Esse inside her pocket out of habit and took out one, cradling the stick of cigarette in between her fingertips before bringing them to her lips. Lisa was looking at her with a blank expression, eyes trained to the cigarette the whole time. 

“You know cigarettes keep you awake, right?” Her voice was soft, her eyes softer. 

Jennie doesn’t answer but instead fished for her lighter in the other pocket, bringing it close to the tip.

“I know.” She managed to answer, the stick bobbing up and down. She rolled the spark wheel down and watched sparks go off before trying again. 

Jennie didn’t know what to react as Lisa reaches out, taking the cigarette from her mouth and breaking it in half. 

“Hey!” 

“This is a non-smoking place,” Lisa countered, picking up her book as she stood up to tower over Jennie. If she wasn’t too pissed off at what happened she would’ve been intimidated, but she was craving for a puff and it helped with grounding her when the thoughts were beginning to act up which she could feel was already starting early on in the afternoon. “If you want to clear your mind or something, I know just the thing. You know... Without damaging your lungs and keeping you wide awake.” There was something in her voice that made Jennie roll her eyes. She wasn’t really judging, not when she was looking at Jennie like _that._ Like she cared, and the hitch in her voice was something Jennie thinks _worry_ sounded like. Not that it made much sense, why would she? 

“That was a waste of a perfectly good cigarette, you know that right?” 

“I can go buy you another pack if you’re that upset about it.” Lisa was holding out her hand, motioning for Jennie to take it. “But the one I have in mind is better and it might help you with the sleeping.”

Jennie bristled at the mention of the word. It was funny and frustrating at the same time how one word could do so much to her. It was stupid and she hated it. Most of the people she knew would tell her to get a grip and to not worry about it too much, but how can she not? When it was turning her into someone… into something, she didn’t like. 

The silence and her unresponsiveness might’ve been stretched out far too long that Lisa cleared her throat and smiled at her.

“Does that word… trigger you in any way?” Jennie could barely hear her against the drumming in her ears. 

“It shouldn’t, but yeah… It does. I hate to admit it… but I hate how strong of a hold it has on me…” Jennie whispered. 

“I’ll try to avoid it then, but trust me… this will do you good. I’m betting my bangs.” Her face lights up in a grin and that was all it took for Jennie to take her hand and for her to allow her to drag her out of the cafe and into the stuffy summer heat outside. 

* * *

Maybe, Jennie thinks, maybe Lisa has a point. 

The other woman was careful, holding her hand as she helped her through the trail. The leaves beneath were soggy and they had a dull crunch that sounded like wet cardboard when stepped on. Lisa had been talking about the surprise non-stop; how Jennie will surely love it, how relaxing it would be and how she hopes it would make her feel more at peace. She hated it when people over-talk, but Lisa had a way of being excited for both of them, of talking in a way where one spoken thought jumped to another and how Jennie didn’t find it so hard to follow along, it was cute and Jennie found herself smiling the whole time. 

They managed to get through a small clearing and Lisa was grinning at her, trying to see what reaction she had over the spectacle that was… well, right in front of them.

“So?” She could hear the excitement bubbling over. 

The surprise was… a waterfall, hidden in the outskirts of town. She took a deep breath and allowed herself to enjoy the coolness of the breeze and the way it filled her hungry lungs with relief from the summer heat. The falls wasn’t that big nor was it as impressive as the others she’d seen before. It was, it seemed, born from a crack on a boulder. It was simple and it was beautiful. 

“I… love it.” She said under her breath. 

“You do” 

“Yeah…” 

It was hard to think of words for something she found hard to explain. There was a lightness and Jennie admits, a certain sense of calm that made her thoughts settle. 

Lisa motioned for her to sit by a place where the grass was dry and the shade was cooler. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She was looking straight at where the water fell and rippled. 

Jennie thinks things through and finds that it was easier to put words into whatever it was that came lurking at night. 

“Yeah, maybe… maybe I do.”

“Go on, I’m listening.” She hears her cheeky laugh and Jennie smiles in turn. 

“It started a couple of years back… just the usual occasional nightmares you know? I don’t know if you can consider them nightmares… but most of them were just me running, not knowing where and everything around me was pitch black… I realize that I’m not really moving at all and there’s this stupid fear that’ll envelop me right after that realization. It’s stupid… to be scared, when there’s nothing to be afraid of.” 

“Sometimes, not knowing things can be far scarier than your usual nightmares of monsters…” Lisa added.

Jennie nods to acknowledge this because she knows, at that point, that there was some truth to what Lisa said. She steals a quick glance at her and sees how she’s tilting her head towards her, an effort to listen more closely, and this prompts Jennie to continue.

“I could deal with those… It’ll wake me up for a couple of minutes, but I’d find myself going back to sleep in no time too. It’s the nightmares after that, that … made it worse. I’d fall asleep and there’d be this feeling, of me sinking… deeper and deeper into the bed, into black, into nothing that I’d feel like choking. I’d try to move but I couldn’t, not even my fingers nor my toes and I’d think that maybe… maybe this is what it feels like to die. That you drown… into black, into that void and being powerless. Not being able to move. Not having… the strength, to save your own self. Then when I’ve finally accepted that thought, I’d jerk awake… a spasm running through me pulling me awake and I’d end up more confused, more scared. I hate it.” 

Jennie found herself breathless, tears staining her face. 

“Lisa.. there’s nothing I want more than to dream… to finally not see that stupid black and just dream…”

“Jennie… The thing about dreams is that they have a way of coming back to us in the best ways possible, and sometimes even in the worst ways possible…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great week everyone!


	3. Sora

* * *

She was at a point in her life where she was neither here nor there, and neither was she feeling heavy nor light. She was, she thinks, more along the lines of being invisible, there was an emptiness inside that she tries hard to fill. With what? She doesn’t know either. Sometimes she’d find herself not feeling anything at all, and that was what bothered her most. Her emotions switched off and desensitized to everything around her. Almost as if, she can’t grasp herself. Sometimes, she feels like a tertiary character from afar, watching everything from a distance. She hates it, and she can never find it in herself to understand what’s wrong, she hates people thinking she doesn’t have a grip over herself either. 

Jennie finds these truths about herself to be too choking, too limiting at times, and she hates it even more when people try to rub it in her face. 

_ But not Lisa. _

Lisa understands. Not in the straight-into-your-face kind of way… but more along the lines of subtle understanding. It was the kind that looks past what you have placed on the table, looks past every lie you tell and looks straight into the ugly looking, empty shell and smiles, because she thinks it doesn’t matter at all. What you are now and what’s missing. She doesn’t push nor does she care if it takes a while. The only thing that matters is; you and the you you’ve always been. Jennie finds it warm and comforting, to not be known as the “Jennie who can’t sleep”, but simply as Jennie. 

* * *

She’d been spending most of her time with Lisa ever since that talk at the waterfall. Something about Lisa pulled at her and she doesn’t mind the feeling of familiarity that comes with it. 

From short discussion of that weird book Lisa kept reading at that same spot in that cafe, to spending her afternoons with her at the pharmacy during her shifts (which were mostly composed of slow afternoons). Everything about it was easy, and Jennie liked it that way,  _ easy. _

“Hey! I slept for four hours last night, it felt great!” Jennie barreled through the pharmacy doors, something that has become some sort of a routine. 

“Really? That’s awesome! Any dreams?” She answered, not even glancing at Jennie who stood awkwardly by the door. Lisa goes through an old man’s prescription who's judging eyes bore holes into Jennie’s soul the moment she stepped foot inside. 

Jennie ducked into one of the stalls, pretending to read through a box of cereal’s nutritional facts she barely understood to get away from the uncomfortable stare. She hears the register ring, slow meticulous steps that dragged on the hardwood floor and the little bell by the door that meant the old man was gone.

“You can come out of hiding Jen-Jen.” 

Jennie smiled at the mention of her new nickname, something Lisa thought out of the blue when they were spending a dry afternoon out at the football field watching children play and sipping iced cold tea, with nothing but a comfortable silence between them. The nickname stuck though, like the weird routine of exclaiming how many hours she’d slept and Lisa’s usual congratulatory response, and the constant questions about dreams that came right after. 

“No, still no dreams…” She’d whisper, looking away because for some reason Lisa’s soft gaze made her stomach churn in a way that made her crave for something she can’t name. 

“And?” Lisa prodded on, arms crossed and resting on the counter. 

“Still woke up to that stupid ‘jerking’ thing.” It’s become some sort of an inside joke between them, to put extra emphasis on the word. “But it’s more of a twitch now…” 

“Is that a good thing?” 

She walked closer and placed both of her own hands onto the counter, mirroring Lisa. She could feel a smile growing, one of the new habits she formed when she was around the other woman. She liked to think it was the hopeful way Lisa’s voice hitched whenever she asked that question, an innocence she found quite endearing, but a little voice in her head tells her otherwise. That it was something much more than just that. 

“I guess, yeah? What’re you up to tonight?” 

“That doesn’t sound convincing at all. You don’t want to talk about it, do you?” Lisa smiled, and it took every nerve in Jennie’s body not to look away even though she knew her cheeks were as red as a tomato by now. 

Lisa knew, whether Jennie liked it or not, what went through her head sometimes. The good and the bad. It didn’t put Jennie off, which was rather odd, because Jennie liked her privacy. This, however, made it easier to be honest. 

“No… not right now, maybe later? If you can change my mind.” The retort fell flat, drowned by the subtle shaking in her voice. 

“How about we go grab dinner and you can tell me what you think of the book?” Lisa turned to look behind Jennie’s back in time with the pharmacy doors opening to welcome a new customer for the day. “And yeah, maybe then I could charm you into telling me more.” She added hastily, giving Jennie a wink before smiling at the teenage boy who sauntered off towards them. “Talk to you later?” 

Jennie liked that too about her, Lisa never pushed her into a corner to force her to talk about things that made her rather uncomfortable or to tell her everything. She gave her enough room to breathe and sort through things at her own pace, in her otherwise jumbled mind and listened whenever she did try to be more open. 

Jennie answered with a quick nod and went towards the door, stopping briefly to catch a quick glimpse of Lisa and smiling at the way she’d straightened her shoulders before going off to hunt whatever medicine the customer needed. 

_ She liked that about Lisa too, and maybe… a lot more.  _

* * *

“What?” Jennie squeaked. Lisa was looking at her intently. Her brown eyes mirrored the orange hue of the flickering candle and it made her gaze feel heavy, and sticky. Like warm water and soap being lathered up on to her cold, damp skin. 

“You found the plot disturbing?” 

Jennie laughed.

Right… They were talking about the book. For a minute Jennie’s heart quivered, a small jump that did huge ripples inside her chest, travelling to the ends of her fingertips and making her shiver. 

“Yeah, I mean… having people do things to your brain and making you smarter than what you used to be. It’s freaky and I’m not surprised it was banned, why do you like the book so much?” 

This has become an unspoken rule between them, asking questions for the sake of knowing.

“Hmmm… I don’t know. I just find it … rather sad, you know? To be given the means to finally have a deeper understanding of the things around you, only for it to be taken away slowly with you acutely knowing. Realizing that your intelligence was slipping away, and not having anything in your power to do something about it. Imagine how that hurts, and… how powerless it makes you feel.” 

Jennie looked away, towards the window where the moon’s reflection looked rounder and how it swam with the stars against the yellow-orange hues that masked the dirt-fogged glass from the candles. 

“Are you fine?”

Her question had an underlying tone to it. 

“What do you mean? Of course I am.” 

“Of course… but are you… really? Fine?” 

Lisa took a sip from her glass of wine and looked at her, waiting.

“Define ‘fine’ Lisa.” 

“Let me rephrase Jen-Jen. You’ve been sleeping more, that’s great and all… but how’s your sleep?” there was a brief pause in between the words, like she was thinking hard on what to say next, weighing the words before continuing. 

Jennie smiled.  _ She knows.  _

“It’s...the same, always the same Lisa. Nothing’s changed and I hope that my stay here would have at least stopped the jitters everytime I wake up… but the only good thing that came out of all this.” Jennie spread her arms out, to try and fit the idea of the whole expansive village into a limited thought that fit between the spaces she had between her hands. A meek attempt at trying to quantify something that can’t be quantified. “Is that I’ve been sleeping more than three hours, and I’m thankful for that… but I just want to get back to sleeping like I did before, like any normal person would.” 

“But isn’t that what matters though?” She had that hopeful look in her face again, Jennie finds it utterly devastating to see such innocence and be drawn to it only to realize it does her no good. No good at all.

“Yeah, but … this  _ change  _ is nothing but an hour more than what I’d usually get.” 

Jennie was being very honest now, despite her usually jolly disposition at letting Lisa know whenever she had the chance that she slept more than three hours, she knew that wasn’t much of an improvement at all, well, not something she was looking forward to when she decided to come here. 

“And you think that’s not improvement?” Lisa’s voice was soft and it made Jennie nod along. “What are you looking for here?” 

“What do you mean?”

“You came here to see if you could beat insomnia, right?” Lisa leaned into her seat, one hand playing with the ends of her bangs and her eyes locked unto the almost empty wine glass on her side of the table. 

“Yeah…” 

“Well isn’t getting an hour more, a step towards beating insomnia?” 

“Well yeah, but…”

She looked at Jennie with a gaze that never faltered despite Jennie’s attempt at what she thinks is a daunting scowl.

“Don’t you think that’s improvement?”

“Yeah… it is... “ Jennie let out a deep breath she was keeping inside her out of frustration that Lisa was right. 

“I’m not picking a fight, you’d win if you want to anyways… if we did.” Lisa chuckled, the tension in the air falling away the moment she did. “I just want you to be proud of yourself for getting that one hour additional sleep, maybe… who knows? Tomorrow you’d wake up with less jerking than you did today… and the next morning you won’t have it anymore, and then by the time you’re going back to the city you’re all set.” 

“Why are you so optimistic?”

“Why are you so pessimistic?”

“Touche…”

“Anyways Jen-Jen, I’m glad you’re getting more sleep.” She leaned closer, signaling Jennie to do the same. “Tell me more…”

“About what?”

“About everything, anything.” 

Jennie pulled away, she was laughing and it made Jennie smile despite wanting to glare at her. 

“Don’t you think I’ve shared enough? Why don’t YOU tell me more?” 

“Fair enough, what do you want to know?”

Her voice felt like satin, velvety smooth that coursed through her veins making Jennie look into her eyes closely. Looking for something that would make her look away but instead finding herself memorizing the black flecks against brown and realizing how her eyes made her think of Fall and the brown leaves that littered the city park in the cold afternoon. 

“Anything you want me to know.” Jennie confessed.

“I’ve lived here all my life.” There was a tinge of sadness that laced the pride in her voice. “Used to live up on Wittingham road by the fork near the school.”

She had a look on her face that made Jennie squirm, like she was waiting for Jennie to say something. She shook her head, smiled wistfully before continuing. 

“I had a playmate before… around my age, only she was older by a year or so. She taught me what it means and how to find the brighter side of things. She’d pick something broken from my chest of toys and I’d ask her why. You know… She’d laugh and she’d give me a toothy smile and say ‘If I don’t, who’d play with it?’. Funny how that happened when I was five years old and yet it’s a memory I can’t forget, no matter how long ago and how hazy the other parts of my childhood would be. I’d hold on to that memory, even till now.” She had a far away look to her face that made the candlelight look softer on her features. 

“That’s uh… very smart for a six year old…” Jennie couldn’t think of something relevant to say and she wanted to kick herself on the shin for it. 

“She was… I considered her my best friend.” Lisa whispered back.

“What… what happened to her?” 

She shook her head with a rueful smile, Jennie didn't insist on knowing what, or why, or the how's of things. That look meant one thing; that she didn't want to talk about it more than what she shared.

"Can't you remember anything from your childhood when you lived here?" Lisa looked away, something about the question made Jennie search for her eyes, made her want to understand why she sounded so… sad and disappointed. 

"The things I remember don’t really matter at all. Silly things.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know, the feeling of the sun when it rises and streaks of light filters in through the cracks of that colored window back at my old house, the winding roads, the stuffiness of a humid afternoon, the look of the fields when I came here… all intangible things, feelings, sensation. Not a single concrete memory at all.”

“Do you… have any idea why that’s so?”

Lisa’s voice sounded closer to heavy breathing that Jennie had to lean closer to hear her above the clanking of metal forks and knives against porcelain plates. 

“I uh, have an idea… Mom said something happened here and that it wasn’t good. Maybe my brain did something to suppress everything or something like that.”

Jennie confided in the same low voice that matched Lisa’s. It surrounded them both with an intimacy that bothered her. It wasn’t supposed to, but it grated on her nerves and made her jumpy, more aware of the looks that were thrown their way. She wanted to pull away again, but Lisa reached out to draw little shapes on the back of her hand. The warmth she felt in her chest dropped and swirled in her stomach, making her restless and yet unable to move all the same. Lisa was tracing a crescent moon again and again, one tip closer to her thumb and the other tip drawn over the bone of her knuckles by her index finger. The places she touched felt warmer and Jennie drew in a muted breath that she kept inside her, willing the little butterflies inside to keep still, for just a minute more. Afraid that if she moved, Lisa would pull away too. 

“Is that… why you left? Your family, I mean.” 

“Yeah… yeah it was. Something about dad losing something here that he can never get back.” Jennie thinks it was unfair, to not know more than the usual details her mother shared and that thought falls heavier and heavier on her now. “Come to think of it, it feels as though they’re hiding it from me.”

“Maybe it’s for your own good…” Lisa reasoned out. 

Jennie can’t hide the disappointment in her face when Lisa took her hand away. 

“How can a person tell what’s ‘good’ for someone?” She could hear her own animosity, still a little upset over the fact that all she has left is the ghost of Lisa’s touch on her cold hand, and the realization of the things that were kept private. 

“You always ask the hard questions. I don’t know Jen-Jen, maybe it’s when we think it’ll help or be in the best interest for the person or people involved.” She shrugged her shoulders, most of her hair falling to the side as she smiled. 

“Kind of unfair for them, don’t you think?”

“Well yeah, but then they have their own reasons too, you know? This talk is making you grumpy… want to talk about something else?” 

“Yeah… tell me what your favorite color is.” 

“My favorite color? Are we playing twenty questions or something?” her laugh made the churning even more apparent. 

“Yes.”

“Yellow.” Lisa shot back with a grin. “Like the sun.” 

“Whoever said the sun was yellow?”

“God Jennie, what’s with all these questions today?” Jennie could feel the warmth creep up to her cheeks and she tried laughing it away. 

“I don’t know, you always give the best answers…” she was embarrassed to a fault, to even admit that. 

“I don’t though, you’re just very biased.”

“I guess so.”

She looks at Lisa again and tries hard not to open her mouth, a funny retort might come out as an awkward confession she can never take back. Lisa leans over to tuck a stray hair Jennie had behind her ear. Up close, Jennie could see where the browns of her irises ended and where the blacks started, meeting by the edges. 

“Has anybody ever told you how pretty you look beneath the stars?” 

Lisa's breath felt warm, brushing against her lips and making her lick her own out of instinct. 

“Should I be offended that I look pretty only when I’m beneath these so-called  _ stars?”  _

Jennie was whispering, her words falling off like little puffs of air after each other. She tilted her head to the side, anticipating Lisa to come closer. 

“I don’t know if I should be exasperated at you tonight or find you amusing.” 

Lisa had a look that fell between wanting to smile and wanting to scoff. 

“You could go both.” She was teasing now, just wanting to see where Lisa’s patience can take her. 

Lisa stayed silent, her face an inch away from hers, a mere breath away if she was being romantic. Jennie turned her attention over to the little mole beneath her eye, anywhere else but her lips. 

“May I?” 

“Huh?”

“Kiss you?”

The question caught her off-guard. She did nothing else but give Lisa a curt nod, not really knowing if that was the right thing to do for now. Lisa leaned into the kiss gently, her lips barely grazing Jennie’s. She was soft, and tender, and all sorts of sweet. Jennie tasted strawberry and red wine, the best flavor combination she could think of at the moment. The only flavor combination she could think of, to be rather honest (cause she’s biased like that). She bites Lisa’s lower lip, something to tide over her intense need to crash into her. She could feel Lisa smile, before answering her silent plea’s by deepening the kiss. 

“I lied.” Lisa breathed, pulling away slightly.

“What?” The kiss was intoxicatingly disorienting, making Jennie chuckle at the silent thought.

“You’re prettier than the stars, you’re nothing short of a galaxy.” 

“Now that’s just sappy, why don’t you shut up for now and kiss me again, yeah?” 

Their laughter rang out against the night. Jennie could care less what people in the diner thought, Lisa was kissing her and she felt like a free flowing breeze that swept up leaves into a flurry that she doesn’t really mind what they think at all. Lisa was kissing her and that’s all that matters tonight. 

* * *

Ever since that night, Lisa had been spending most of hers with Jennie. It felt right, deep down, where it really matters. It felt right and Lisa’s presence brought a certain calm that made falling asleep a little bit easier, a little more comfortable. 

_ Except..  _

_ Except this is where the dreams started happening.  _

For three nights, Jennie has had nothing but dreams of running around inside a house that did not look like hers, of another girl who kept on laughing and cheering her on. Of an open door and her mother crying over someone who seemed to be sleeping in bed. Of her father, throwing things around and the same quiet fear that crept up when she’d wake up before, whole body in spasms. And it didn't make any sense at all. Only for it to bring up more questions than answers. 

The night before she’d go back home to the city, she woke up flustered and out of breath. Lisa wasn't there that night and it made her reach out for her warmth only to be met with the stark coldness of the night that bled into her sheets. 

The image of the smiling child and the toy in her hands was ingrained deep into her memory, the moment she woke up. No, that’s wrong… the dream felt more like it awakened a memory that got lost inside her, buried by her want to forget about the things that hurt when she still lived here. Yes… that felt more true, more descriptive of what she felt. In a way. 

* * *

Jennie stood there, looking up into the limitless expanse above her where white clouds streaked through blue skies. She closed her eyes, allowing the warmth of the sun to bathe her with that sense of comfort and freedom that made everything more beautiful. She allows it to get beneath her skin, into every fiber, every vein of her being. It felt wonderful. She opened her eyes and smiled at how the sky looked like it spanned into an infinite space in all directions. 

She felt her warmth before she heard her speak. 

“So, you’re going back home soon?” Jennie’s heart dropped at the question. 

“Yes, today.”

“Will you be back?”

Jennie took a quick glance at Lisa beside her who had a ghost of a smile on her face as she enjoyed the same warmth. Jennie didn’t answer, she knew she didn’t have to. It wouldn’t matter.

“Have you always known Lisa?” Jennie doesn’t elaborate much about it because she knows Lisa understands what she means by it.

“I’ve been counting down the days, you know?” she could barely hear Lisa’s answer.

“What?” 

Jennie faced her, trying to read through the expression on her face that shadowed her smile. She leans to kiss Jennie on the cheek, lingering just long enough for Jennie to turn her head and catch Lisa’s lips with a quick kiss. 

“Nothing…” 

Jennie rolled her eyes in mock frustration, silently hoping it works and she budges. 

“No, you said…”

She nods along, turning away from Jennie. The silence between them felt heavy, and it made Jennie shift her weight from one foot to another, anything to keep her mind from overthinking. 

“I’ve been counting down the days for when I’ll get to see you again… back then when you left town without saying goodbye. I thought… I did something wrong… And I thought you’d be back soon... In a month. Then that came and gone and I thought maybe next year... “ 

The sadness was there, Jennie could feel it, even heard it through the spaces in between her words mixing heavily with the hurt that she tried to mask with a soft chuckle. She reached out for Lisa’s hands and held it in her own, tightly, as if it was a lifeline she needed. Hoping that it bridges the lost years that Lisa had hoped for. She knew it wasn’t much, but it was all she could offer. 

“But then those passed by too, and yet I never heard from you. I wasn’t expecting much anymore… I know we were too young back then and there’s a huge chance you won’t remember.”

“All these years?”

Jennie knew the answer to that too, but something inside her wanted to hear it from her. 

“Yeah, it's been 6565 days by the way, not that you care but yeah 6565 days since you left and I ...just, I... I miss you, so much."

Lisa’s voice broke, and Jennie pulled her into a tight hug. Her fingers buried in Lisa’s hair, running little circles to calm her down. 

“I know… I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be, you don’t have anything to be sorry about Jen-Jen.”

“You used to call me that…”

She felt Lisa’s smile against the fabric of her shirt and she smiled in turn. 

“I did, I'm glad you remember that at least.”

“I remembered a lot of things, and I think I’m getting better.” She whispered against Lisa’s hair and planted a quick kiss there. “Four hours and a half sounds good, don’t you think? Coming back here was a good thing.”

“You think so?”

“I know so…”

Lisa pulled away and scrunched her nose in a wide smile. 

“Come back? To visit?”

Jennie laughed and pulled Lisa towards her. Kissing her deeply before smiling through the kiss. In the distance the grass in the fields swayed through the hot breeze that blew every once in a while and marked the end of summer. 

She doesn’t answer, because she knows Lisa already knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day to everyone celebrating haha

**Author's Note:**

> Happiest of Birthdays to our Jennie Mandu uwu


End file.
